when there's no space between the lines...

November... 2008. I was living in Parkhurst (one of those uber trendy little suburbs near Joburg).
I had a tiny 2 bedroom house/cottage which I shared between a house mate and my brother. Two people that I entrusted my life to, without even realising just how much.

When I sit here at this notebook, staring at this startling white screen, and I look back at who that person was... I remember someone so different.
Someone who felt lost (she was). Who felt like the world was out to get her (it wasn't).

Things have changed over these few years... changes that I may have been guided to... but that I *had* to take with my own two hands and do. MYSELF.
Yea........ smooth sailing isn't how I'd describe the journey to now.
I've still got freshly scraped knees to remind me how I'm constantly working at getting back onto my own feet and learning to walk over the little bumps.
And I see all my previous disillusionment in many of those around me... but by now, the 29th of November 2012, I've also learnt that my time is sometimes best left to self evaluation, rather than pointing at others.
Yea... I'll give advice if I've made it past that obstacle successfully enough to help someone get over the initial part. The rest... we've all got to figure out for ourselves.
For those who've known my brash past self, are still loosely footed as to how to accept/notice/take on the changes.
That's ok. I'm not here for your validation or for you to say "oh yes, you've changed. congrads". *tactless but honest*
I'll tell you what is and what isn't about me. Done.

But... there is one thing I have personally learnt to be the biggest of all mistakes... A S S U M P T I O N.
I'm at that place where I'll tell you my thoughts/feelings... if its relevant that you know.
Negative... or positive ;)

I'm still learning about not jumping to HUGE conclusions... I usually get there by some certainty first.
If I get there at all.

I'm learning all over again to like people. REALLY REALLY like people. They are who they are, just as surely as I won't change to please others, not even just for the sake of their company.
And those that I love? ... I will unabashedly and desperately wish for the best for them.
I wish them to want/need/love/have/live.... to have ambition, to fight for a quality life, to experience every small detail of bliss... and to never lose those that they love, to never be far from those that they can lean on.
Isn't that what every parent wishes for their child? isn't that what every lover wishes for their partner? isn't that what every child wishes for their grandparents?
we're this circle of existence in eachothers space... and when you jump off that cliff, arms spread wide and a smile on your face... they're the ones that will catch you. WITHOUT A DOUBT.

Live...