Journeys...

Thursday is the 2 year anniversary of being in this little house in the bushes.
The only home my furkids have known over these last 2 years alone with me.

Busy packing up boxes, but no time, date or destination waiting for me. This journey continues.

I had the best of hopes for 2014, and despite all that happened, never once did I ever dread its existence and space.
I still don't.
I still look up and wish and hope for a 2015 that will action all 2014 *felt* like.

Family and friends have been "lost" this year...
Jobs have disintegrated.
Jobs have eluded.
Masks have been removed.

And we're still here... writing, reading, learning, living.
Still waiting for that cliff edge to come into view so that we can take that jump... no hesitation.

There is no knowing what others are going through, no true understanding, no matter how hard we may try. There is this infinite space that looms between all beings. Even those of the same species. The same kind.
But I know what this year has been for me. As selfish as we think we sound, we can only know what we've gotten out of our existence.
The end of the rope reach me Sunday and I let go... maybe for good... or maybe until I find the next one. Like an emotional/mental Tarzan. Waiting for that swing through the branches.
And all I can truly hope for is that the next rope isn't another snake.

"If it hurts, then you're alive, it means something's there..." - Dead Letter Circus.

All the things...

What a way to "end" a year that STILL keeps us hoping.

A few months back I started promising a friend at the coast that I'd be visiting him. And as we went into the homestretch with the final plans and dates... we were texting and on the phone with eachother often.

I happily and positively made my way to one of my last 6 markets for the year last night.  People I know came past, chatted... and the news arrived in the form of two people I have seen often on the local market scene.
They also happen to be family of the friend at the coast.
He had "passed away" on Wednesday.

Words should be invented to accurately describe what disbelief I continue to drift in and out of.

A life just barely past 30 years of existence... a gypsy soul that was never content with being in one place for too long.
Gone.
As easily as its said.
Gone.

And yet... I cannot cry at the thought of it.
A person genuine to his very core. Someone so easy to be friends with, because it was all as simple as it was said.
Admittedly, we had had a few years of space in our relationship, but we slipped back into reparation as easily as a few honest confessions.

Gone.

But I am not without tears. Breaking the news to other people who called him friend, has been only just short of devastating.
I cry at the thought of him, of the world being without him, at having heard him over the phone only weeks ago with all these plans to be in eachothers space and.... not anymore.

Words like, Polaris, Harrier, braai and breadmaker.... will forever bring back memories that so many of us (past and present friends) will know too well. The first of many New Years Eves is approaching where we wil be without the tradition started so many years ago.... that all too familiar phone call "Happy New Year Dudey".

I'll be wishing you anyway Gar. Thank you.

Not a new year's resolution...

I want more positivity... I want to be surrounded in it.
I'm not asking to be blinded to reality by fairy tales... I'm well aware life happens, beyond our control.
But I want more positivity.

When I'm enjoying a really good cup of coffee, dew is glittering over fresh green fields... I don't want someone telling me how they hate daylight and hate grass and hate dew.

When I'm messaging someone to tell them how great they are and I'm thankful to be alive another day... I don't want to hear how they wish the day was over and how tuey "can't wait for the weekend".

Politicians (in and out the country you live) are greedy... with "power" comes that part of feeling invincible,  no matter how much you scourge from the working class.
If you have freedom of religion, work (albeit scarce), education (even if its not free) and drive, walk, talk, dance, laugh and breathe.... remember the loved one that died that doesn't have any of that anymore... or the teen living in a country that forbids you be educated based on your gender (because you apparently CHOSE to be born a girl)...

I want more positivity... more gratitude. I want to be allowed to appreciate what I am blessed with today, right now.
I'm not blind to the world and its harshness... but I want to be more positive..