Under the impression...

No matter how many relationships you have or haven't been in... I don't think anyone is an "expert" on them.
But I do feel there are points to note on the good relationships you observe... And equally on the bad ones.

When our relationships with friends make us unhappy, or don't fulfill a need (someone to confide in, confidentially. Someone who'll have your back in times of trouble or hooliganism. Someone you want to call right away to share good news with etc.) We dissolve the friendship....sometimes.
Yes?

Just as a friendship should be of MUTUAL positivity and benefit, so to shouldn't a committed relationship?
Why are so many relationships "on show" biasedly destructive? Why is one side of most relationships I've witnessed recently been set on destroying the other half and the friendships/relationships/family of the other half?
What is there to gain from ruining the core and happiness of your partner?
I've always rolled my eyes at the phrase "they complete me" .... No. Either you are a complete person and they're the "icing on the cake of who you are" ...or you are headed for imminent disaster when you one day realise "they won't allow you to be you" or you need to go on a journey to "find yourself".
The other person should be the cherry on the top of the cake that is you and who you are. They should even make you better...happy...

One sided destruction, secrets, hiding things...
Has this become what relationships are? Or have they always been an all out selfish gain for one side?

If so... Thank goodness for single life.
And thank goodness for the choice in having positive friends to embrace your own choice to live as you want to be.

With so many soul sucking relationships out there... I am surprised we have any kind of civility left in this world.

To my friends on the receiving end of these destructive relationships... I wish all the answers were available. I wish the ways out were easier. I wish we could have seen it coming...
I know you're all worth better and you all deserve better.
And should I ever find myself on that train track...I hope I have the sense and heart to heed the warnings of friends and family.
Within reason of course ;)

Happy Friday.

Let it be real for belief and denial...

I'm on my third day of sick leave, rotten with bronchitis -.-

All this time and space in my little quiet home has left me with alot of thinking time, breathing time (when I'm not coughing my lungs into spasm that is)... I've been filling this little house with my music collection... yesterday was alot of This Will Destroy You (their track Quiet has just left me so inlove with their music all over again)... and today it's one of my all time favourite artists, Tracy Chapman.

This newer album of hers that I got myself... well. Good thing I have tissues next to my sickbed. Seriously.
♥

My bed has become my workspace as I update listings for Wonder Struck Inc's on online stores. These listings are way overdue >.<
and I have the most gorgeous collection of puppymonsters that are coming in to check on me as my guardian lays jealously at the end of my bed.
I very much, to the bottom of my heart, feel like I could be a work-at-home-puppymonster-mom.
It may just be the ridiculously strong collection of medication, the coffee (that I'm apparently not supposed to be drinking), and the amazing music I am lucky enough to have discovered and fallen in love with, and nevermind the HUGE collection of marketing reading material next to me... but that is truly how I've been feeling lately.
Discarding the sensible, logical side of my brain about paying up my responsibilities... I don't think I'd make a stressless hippy, but oh how a part of me longs!

I will merely end this entry with the lyrics from one of my new favourite Tracy Chapman tracks, to kind of put into perspective my mental and emotional state with all this time to myself:

ALMOST - Tracy Chapman

Almost got what I want
Almost found what I lost
Almost saved you and myself
Almost won but it doesn't count
And never does
Never does

One green light
One more ring of the telephone
One more step
One more second
And I almost
Almost

Almost got what I want
Almost found what I lost
Almost saved you and myself
Almost won but it doesn't count
And never does
Never does

One hello
Just one kiss before the tears come
One yes
One chance
And I almost
Almost almost almost

Almost got what I want
Almost found what I lost
Almost saved you and myself
Almost won but it doesn't count
And never does
Never does

One day one year
5,000 weeks
A life of good works and good deeds
Let me be let me be closer
Or let me be
Let me be
Let me be

When I've almost got what I want
Almost found what I lost
Almost saved you and myself
Almost won but it doesn't count
And never does
Never does

One good guess
A question with an answer that I know
One idea
One grand notion
And I almost
Almost almost almost

Almost got what I want
Almost found what I lost
Almost saved you and myself
Almost won but it doesn't count
And never does
Never does
Never does
Never does

Instagramming for dummies.

I do feel that I need to point out how addicted I've becoming to Instagram recently. Blogging my life in pictures and never having to *BE* in any of them... how perfect is that?

Yes... I find this amateur photo taking business rather appeals to me...

If you're on Instagram and think my photo overload is worth looking at, follow me: Zoocatty

There's just been too much happening... both in life and in my head over June for me to even start sorting through. And to put it all into words? right now? yeah... not going to happen.

At least not soon.

Pretty much how I've been feeling ...

I am sure though about how much I've come to appreciate good friends, good family and yes, a good life.

Between philanthropy, people noting happenings in my life, noting happenings in the lives of others... all of which may be dismissed as trivial to the horribleness of this world and 99% of the humans that exist in it with the same view... I do see the silver lining around these clouds.

Pardon the cliche, but I'm not one for words today.

I know, more than ever, that no one will beable to get me where I want to go, other than me.

And I am ready to fight, bloodied fists and all.

hot water bottle huggings...

It may just be that the entire house is tiled, but WOW it's cold this winter.

Not that I for one minute regret getting into my own space either.

These next few days are going to leave me raw, with nerves frayed dangerously around the edges as we wait in anticipation to see who will be retrenched at the office this Friday.

It's been a maddening 3 weeks of waiting.

Really.

But, as with most logic, panicking over possibly being jobless won't do anything to better the situation.

And so we wait to see what will happen.

>.<

When there are things...

Flow botted...

Cannot even remember when and what my last post was... The disadvantages of not being on a pc/notebook.

But here's today's post:

I have busted my right shoulder somehow, and I'm put to get myself by abusing the injury.
Sigh
Being an "independent woman" is very overrated in these situations...

Funny enough....or not funny. Someone I have "followed" on social sites, went in 2 days ago for MAJOR surgery to her right shoulder.
And a few months back my Ouma had an op on her right shoulder.

It's like sock trolls that steal the left's...we have shoulder gremlins...but only on the right.

Sigh.

Admittedly my shoulder ouchies are no where near surgery bad. Can I get a hallelujah?

....now that my self pitied whine is done.

Recently drove the She Grim and Wezzles out to Sundowners in Alberton for the last stretch of Sunfest.
It was my first time at Sundowners (obviously not the first gig, fest or venue as metalhead).
It was a mixing pot of different ages, scenes, people. All blending at the bars and dispersing to the bonfires in their cliques.
Ah...there is just nothing that compares to mixture of humans at ANY gig though.
The most noteable of the three bands we "watched" was a four piece (I may be wrong by one) band called The Newtown Knife Gang.
If you're around Gauteng, find any gigs these guys may be doing. They'll be worth watching and hearing, promise.

As winter starts coming in...the band gigs get few and far between, but somehow I think I just need to get back out there into a space again.
Hermatising between work and Wonder Struck Inc often makes me disappear from the world for days without me realising how much I'm missing out on.

Also... Life has been thought about.
The quality of it.
Not so much the purpose....for I think that would depress me more than I could live with.

Typist's lament

Being at work on a Friday seems equivalent to typing one handed on a huge laptop keyboard (when there's coffee in one hand, I try to multitask, ok?)

...I might also feel like this after a late night of heavy confidences and a 4am wakeup call.
Since taking these unwavering steps to "living honestly".... I was told that my honesty was "brutal" and "hurtful".
There comes a time when I just cannot stand seeing really awesome people, or people who are borne with the potential to be more amazing, sucking the positive side out of EVERYTHING.
I just can't.

I'm unipolar, I am depressive/pessimistic by birth... And you know what? Buck the hell up.
This world will seem dark if that's all you ever want to see.

If you own your own "business" and you complain how every client sucks, how all the work they give you sucks, how sucky the inspiration is in everything.... You know what I see?
I see that you work for yourself (which is a privilege), I see your bills getting paid because those sucky customers are PAYING you for doing your best despite their work sucking and despite the lack of inspiration.... You get to wake up in the morning and be the boss of your to-do list.

...I work in a volatile industry, see between 6 and 12 people a day. 5 days a week.
And 99% of the people I see everyday are negative. All they can talk about is how bad the industry is, how little work there is, how their staff are on short time.
I still smear a smile on my face (and even if it is 90% fake) and I go face the negativity... I choose to see that there is still 1 customer in 100 that will have something positive to say, who will say thank you, who will smile back.
And that...pretty much makes up for almost all the Crap I face otherwise.

You have *so* much work that you're up late almost every night?
You have people who are calling you just to say hi, and NOT because they want something from you?
You have a roof over your head?
Is the weather great today?
You got to experience that gorgeous first sip of tea/coffee this morning and watch the Autumn sun rise?

Well...Lucky you...too bad it all passed you by without you appreciating any of it. Then you don't deserve any of it.
Maybe you're the type who can only want/need/appreciate it when it's all GONE.

Buck. Up.