Today
Today has been like many others before it...
A windy, hot morning. Sun blaring.
Because the weather forgot to be Spring first.
Today was another morning I got up and went through the mental list of things and people that I am greatful for.
Today started "positive". Positive because people who have soaked themselves in negativity (that self-important "I got this word from a thesaurus app to make myself sound amazing" negativity)... make me nauseas and apathetic.
Today was a day that compounded car issues drove me to eventually stand roadside at sundown, screaming, yelling and crying at an inanimate object that could not have cared less.
Today was just another day that life pushed for more, expected more, got more....and still threw it up in the air.
Today was another day to do "great things". To prove ourselves to ... who exactly? It doesn't feel like I would want to prove any of what was achieved today, to myself.
Today was another day that assholes you have loved intently get to exist as if there is no consequence to their (and their partners) selfish hideous actions and wants.
Today is another day that family members struggle through some of their darkest hours, knowing that tomorrow it gets to happen all over again.
Today is a day that people you care about struggle with addictions, cravings, heartbreaks that you will never be afflicted with, that you will never really get to experience for true understanding.
Today is another day that you don't have a magic wand to wish the bad stuff away with.
Fuck the politics and right wing religious/animal and human rights activists.
Fuck our despair at materialistic waste and want and need (kinda).
As the greatest man in my life came to my rescue and laughed at me standing dishevelled on the side of the road right infront of someone's house, their dog wagging its tail at the fenceline....
And in my moment of emotional crash and burn, he kissed me on the cheek and smiled "life happens". And the noise stopped to barely a whisper.
We exist in this constant storm...sometimes it slows down a little, but it never stops.
We can't fix everything and make everything go "ok". Not for ourselves, and not for others.
We live.
Its messy, harsh, hard....and excruciatingly beautiful.
There will be scars and blood and tears...no matter what.
Peace is merely war without ammunition.
People live. People die.
Love isn't a thing to be put in a box and has nothing to do with a "right to life" or if you're straight (or not, or neither).
Sometimes if you reach out in that storm, you're saving someone from theirs.
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