Even when the clouds leave...

I hate that changing for the better is *this* difficult.
Ye, I can already hear the cliche "otherwise it wouldn't be worth it" being thrown around... I am not the only human being in my life (directly and indirectly) that needs to buck up.
But then again...there are those gems in my life that make me persevere. The better I become for me...the more amazing the human beings that I'll get to spend breathing space with.
Friday night: M.. Who is just becoming so much of a delightful lady, stepped out her comfort zone to join me at a night market. She helped setup and pack away. She partied that venue upside down and even had ladies over 50 headbanging on the makeshift dancefloor. I crawled into bed near 1am for 5 hours of sleep. Blessed that not only M bit a boy we both know also stopped by the venue to say hi.
Saturday: despite little sleep and a killer hangover, M joined me and the Henley group for another day long market. And she survived.
She even stayed up long enough at the post market / pre-birthday braai for one of my Henley girls.
My parental unit...fresh from a 4x4 excursion had also stopped by during the market.
These are the human beings I will gladly limit my life to. Go to the end of the world for. Be a packhorse for.
They have allowed me in their lives...despite my unforgivables...my quirks...my frustration at changes I've been making for myself...
There are times when we all disappear into ourselves and then we get these frantic worried phone calls and messages checking if we're ok.... A genuine concern for one another. Genuine damn is given between us in this small group, no matter how small the news.
None of us has seen/heard from anyone else that claim "friend" in our presence... And maybe that's the first tick... When *will* they be in our presence? When we "need" to pick them up/meet them/listen to their Crap....
Are these the people we just simply let slip away...as if we'd notice MUCH of a difference to now.
I'm genuinely exhausted being disappointed by halfhearted "friendship" when I am merely there for convenience.
I've been that halfhearted...knave. and I've worked on that. I refuse to accept it in my life anymore.
If you're out there... Don't leave message.