Lines...

Nearly 6 hours ago, I got woken up from trying to sleep off a killer migraine. And under an hour later we were standing in Casualties at the nearest private hospital, booking in the matriarch of our family.

At 77, and pretty much during the 31 years of my existence alone, 4 weeks ago was the first time seeing my Ouma helpless in a hospital bed because she was sick.
I don't even remember her even having enough of a flu to get her bedbound. (This might have to do with the combination of her boere attitude and old housewife remedies).
To see the Ouma of 21 grandkids (yes 21...not including the married on grandkids) and 18 great grandchildren....oh and 2 great great granchildren... Lying bedbound in a hospital bed and for the most part helpless...was a shock to the balance of our lives.

She can still put the fear of God in you with a slap on the back. Bake up a storm that would put modern mothers to shame and all intertwined with an independance that should be imbedded in every woman of today.

After being out of hospital for two weeks (after being IN hospital for two weeks) ...getting the call that she stopped breathing and your aunt and uncle battled for MINUTES to bring her back. Well.
The way my parents and I reacted was heading straight to her, loading her in the car...and driving her to the hospital.
We even stood outside in the hallways making jokes about her being in the maternity ward at 77.... Ahem.
But the seriousness was all too apparent when she got moved into ICU for observation.
Leaving the hospital...the sense was still there. But sitting in my driveway crying like a little girl, updating family for the last time tonight via Facebook... I have drawn a short straw on emotional stability.

The absolute fear of sleep hangs over this house... Fear that is irrational and emotionally unstable.
All wrapped in that dreaded hope that "nothing bad will happen"...

Sigh

Let's see what tomorrow brings?